Ordinary
by Destiny's Embrace
Summary: Post Lightning Returns: After the death of the old world, Yeul is the only one who is reborn in the new world with memories of the past. Separated and desperate to reunite with Noel, Yeul spends her whole life waiting for them to be together again like they promised. However, when they do reunite, Yeul is devastated to find that Noel has no memories of her at all.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Spoilers for the ending of Lightning Returns.**

**Anyways, a Yeul x Noel story had been requested by kaibasgirlx a while back (again thank you dearie for being patient) and I'm so happy that it is done. Well almost that is lol. I divided this one shot into two chapters, so I will be posting the real ending of this story later this weekend.**** But I was excited to write my first Yeul and Noel fic. I'm sorry if they seem OOC (it is intentional at times). But anyways, I hope you enjoy :)**

**Ordinary**

_"It's being here now that's important. There's no past and there's no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can't relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don't know if there is one."_

_- George Harrison_

Once upon a time, we all lived in a universe ruled by the powerful god Bhunivelze. He created the world and the slaves that he charged to govern over his creation while he slept in his own distant realm. At the end of time, Bhunivelze awoke from his slumber to oversee the death of the old world and to welcome the birth of the new world… a new world where the souls of mortals would be purified, and human emotions would not exist. That new world was to be God's paradise.

That was what should have happened. But Bhunivelze had made the mistake of challenging the fortitude and resilience of mankind's will. In a conjoined effort to stop Bhunivelze's tyranny and his destruction of mankind's most defining qualities, Lightning and her allies confronted God and made their stand. Over the course of history, I had seen how they had defied their destinies before and created their own futures. Their courage was something that I had always marveled. And it gave me something powerful, a reason to always look to the future with eagerness: hope.

Keeping hope alive, Lightning and her allies defeated Bhunivelze. Whether not he had been defeated for good was unclear, but we knew in that moment, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that mankind was capable of anything. And so as the old world we once knew and cherish died, together we built a new one where mankind was not confined to one true destiny. A harmonious world where, one day, we would all meet again.

Whether or not you remember, all of us have lived multiple lives. Time flows in a cleansing cycle, as do our lives. Most mortals fear and tremble in the face of death, for what they do not know is that death is not the end; it is merely the start of a new beginning. A new you. The difficulty is, as soon as we realize that death does not extinguish our souls, most people forget entirely of the lives they once knew. As far as I know, I'm the only person who still remembers. Because once upon a time, I was the seeress Paddra-Nsu-Yeul. In the old world, the goddess Etro bestowed upon me her eyes and with it the power to have visions of the future. As the seeress, it was my responsibility of watching over the timeline of all history and recording the visions that I had about all the possible futures. But with power so great, came great consequences; every vision of the future that I witnessed would take a toll on my lifespan, shortening it until eventually, the visions would kill me. I would die, and then soon after be reborn again. Death and rebirth. Thus was the cycle I endured.

Even though I knew the exact moment when I would die each time, I was not allowed to change or alter the timeline to save myself. But I had no reason to stop it. Because Etro allowed me to keep my memories from all my past lives and reincarnations, I knew with unwavering clarity that there was no reason to fear death because I would always be born again. After dying so many times, I learned over the years not to be afraid in the face of death. Although there never really was a right way to prepare for death, I made it my goal to live a full life in the short time I was given, filled with smiles and laughter and beauty, so that I would die each time with no regrets.

Of course, this didn't make my deaths any less sad for the people whom I was leaving behind. My heart would ache for them in my final moments, never for myself. All I could do was smile bravely and let them know that I was never truly gone, hoping that they would believe my promise that we would meet again in a distant future. Because my promises were not just words; I _knew_ that we would meet again. I knew that no matter how much time had passed, or how different we might have been when we were reunited, our bond would transcend time and bring us together again.

Knowing that was what kept hope and love alive.

Even though the old world and everything in it died, I still remembered everything. No longer did I see visions of the future, but everything from the timeline prior to the one we lived in, every vision and every life I experienced, was still a part of me. When I was much younger, the clarity of my preexisting memories frightened me so much…and simultaneously calmed me. Without anything prompting them, I already had so many thoughts, faces, and events instilled into my mind come out of nowhere seemingly. So many haunting, and wonderful memories.

For no reason at all, I just knew.

I had always assumed that everyone could remember as much as I could, and had never thought anything of it until I told my classmates in the third grade. That was when everything changed; suddenly, something I had always thought was so ordinary made me weird and strange. Suddenly I was different, an outcast. My teacher had even contacted my parents out of concern that I may have had a mild case of schizophrenia. It terrified my parents so much and I know that they genuinely wanted to believe me, but it was all too absurd for them to ever fully trust and accept. They must have thought I was crazy. But I never blamed them for not believing me. I never blamed any of them for thinking I was crazy. Even I thought I was crazy sometimes. After all, why would I remember so much and no one else did?

I was always a quiet person to begin with, but afterwards I became especially reclusive about my extensive memory. I didn't want people to judge me or think I was crazy, and my parents didn't want me to be an outcast either. But no matter what I did, as I grew older and the memories became more distinct, the cruelty from the kids who still remembered accumulated and followed me relentlessly. Those who never heard the stories about how "crazy" I was thought I was a prodigy and that it was my sheer brilliance that made me different from the other kids. Regardless of what any one of them thought about me, I knew the real truth. I knew my memories were the truth and that they had really happened, even if there was no way of proving to the others that they were. I wasn't going to force others to believe me. I knew the truth and that was all that mattered.

So many times my mother and father begged me to just accept that I had an overactive imagination and to stop believing that my daydreams had actually happened. I know they were acting from a place of love and distress, but I didn't want to just dismiss my memories so callously and pretend that my mind made them up. Because the truth was, I didn't care. Real or not real, my memories were mine. They were a part of who I was, and I wouldn't have given them up for anything. Giving them up was the same thing as forsaking myself and forsaking everything that had made me the person who I was. And I didn't want to forget that. More than that, I knew that if I threw away my memories, I would also be forsaking _him_. Long ago during my final reincarnation from the old world, he had been my friend, my companion, someone whom I had adored, and someone who, if remembered correctly, loved me in return.

Noel Kreiss.

I remembered everything about him; the way his light brown hair fell across his forehead, the twinkle of his earnest blue eyes, the perpetual confidence of his smiles… In my darkest times, my memories of our time together would fill me up and give me strength to face the world. I had never met him, but yet he was my best and truest friend.

I remember that on my last day alive in the old world, I had died in his arms. I recall never having felt more happy or at peace to be able to spend my last moment with him watching over me. He had been crying uncontrollably, his tears dampening my own face as I had tried to stop his tears with my vow: _"We will meet again."_ I had told him that because I had seen a vision of us in the future, smiling and together. Somewhere, in some world and in some time, we _would_ be together and my memories stood as a testament to that.

My memories were not just things I made up in my head. They were real because Noel was, and I refused to believe otherwise. What I believed in was the promise I made to Noel, the promise to meet him again. And nothing anybody said was more real than that promise.

* * *

"Hey Yeul, can you cover for me in exam room three?" Cindy asked as she leaned across the counter at the nurses' station. "I've been running around juggling my patients and I'm really behind." She sighed exasperatedly, a sigh I myself was well acquainted due the poor sleep deprivation many of us nurses suffered from on some days. I couldn't really complain today though since Cindy had been here since ten o'clock last night and I had been able to have the luxury of sleeping in until seven. Not that I minded work at all. I loved work actually and being around in the hospital setting and getting to meet so many different people every day with some many intricate needs.

In all my past lives, there had hardly been any spontaneity when I had known exactly when something was going to happen. I guess maybe that was part of the appeal of working here; never knowing what to expect. That and the fact that I loved being able to help so many people, or at least try to brighten their day.

"Sure," I chirped agreeably to Cindy, and relief immediately flushed over her face. I finished up the report I was writing and filed it away carefully before hopping out of the nurses' station. Cindy ever so gratefully passed along the clipboard with her patient's information to me.

"I love you girl," she laughed tiredly and hurried off in the opposite direction. I giggled to myself, making my way over to examination room three. The door was closed, so I knocked politely before letting myself inside.

"Come in," I heard a male voice call and I obliged. As I entered, my eyes had been trained down on the clipboard, quickly scanning over the patient's profile. It was when I saw the patient's name that my eyes finally shot up in a mixture of shock and horror. And as my emerald gaze locked into his endlessly blue eyes, it was a pure miracle that the clipboard I was holding didn't crash to the floor in a deafening clatter of astonishment.

It took everything in me not to gape at him, yet something unforeseen within me was unraveling with frightening alacrity. The person sitting nonchalantly on the examination bed was someone I had known my entire life without ever actually seeing with my own two eyes. Everything was exactly the way I remembered; his eyes, his chiseled yet boyish face, his lean muscular frame. He looked about a few years older than his eighteen year old self, in his twenties like myself, but there was no mistaking it; this was him.

This was my Noel.

I stood there, mesmerized, and maybe a little star-struck, as weird as that may sound. I felt like one of those teenage girls who spend every waking second infatuated with their generation's biggest heart throb; a man they had never met in person, yet stalkerishly knew everything about.

"Uhhm," Noel's uncertain tone broke through my thoughts and brought me back to reality. "Is everything okay?"

"O-Oh, yes, of course, of course," I recovered quickly, hoping my embarrassment wasn't all over my face. I couldn't help but let out a soft pitter of laugher. I shook my head evenly, meeting Noel straight on with a kind, professional smile. "Sometimes it's easy to just zone out after working so many hours," I told him. I felt bad for lying, but what other choice did I have?

Noel laughed sociably in return, a noticeable amount of comfort relaxing his body. "I can understand that," he smiled, a killer smile that pierced my heart like one of Cupid's arrows.

I could have stood around gazing at him for the rest of my shift, but my nagging subconscious kept reminding me I had a job to do. Clearing my throat, I glanced down at my clipboard as I went to pull up a chair. As I sat, my eyes couldn't help but peek up and admire him again.

He was real. He really was real.

As shallow as it sounded, I suddenly I wished I had been able to see this coming so I could have felt prepared for this meeting. Don't get me wrong, the spontaneous rush of adrenaline that came from first seeing him after wondering for so long how many years I would have to wait was incredible, but now I just felt so awkward and clumsy in my white and purple polka-dot scrubs and with my long dark blue hair lazily tied up. There was nothing I could really do about it except just breathe in deeply and hope for the best.

Clicking my pen, I scanned over Noel's information once more and then looked up to him. "Alright then, so what seems to be the dilemma?"

Noel made a half groan as he tiredly rubbed at the back of his neck with his left hand. "Well, my buddies and I went skiing a few days ago, and I hit my right arm. It didn't really hurt too badly then, so that's why I thought it was no big deal. But yesterday was when I realized I couldn't move it that well." He shrugged, "I'm sure it's fine. It doesn't hurt that much, but it's kind of annoying when your right-handed."

I stopped scribbling down a summary of Noel's incident to study him. It was then I noticed how restricted he had been holding his right arm and I inwardly cringed as I imagined Noel in pain. Then again, as my memory served me, Noel had gotten injured badly many times on his dangerous hunts and had never complained. He'd always tell me I worried too much and that a few broken bones and scraps wouldn't keep him down for long. Even now, despite admitting he was in pain, he was still trying to play it off and belittle his injury like it was nothing.

Some things never changed.

I pressed my lips together in a discrete smile, ducking my face ever so slightly so Noel wouldn't take notice. "What exactly happened when you hurt your arm? Do you remember how you fell on it?"

Noel didn't speak until I looked back up. "Do you really have to write down everything I'm saying?" He didn't say it unkindly. If anything, his tone was more sheepish.

I nodded, smiling sympathetically. "Is it that bad?"

Noel made a harsh, self-deprecating chuckle, "It's not one of my finest moments."

Giggling politely, I smiled to him encouragingly. "Well if you want us to fix you up, we won't be able to help if you don't let us know what we're working with."

Noel let out a long drawn out sigh and shook his head, but I couldn't help but notice the small smirk of amusement that made his lips quirk upwards. "Fine, fine, I see how it is." He exhaled again, speaking in a grumbling tone, "One of the times getting off the ski lift, my buddy and I were messing around and I tripped getting off it and fell flat on my face and tried to break my fall with my arm. There, happy?"

When he said it, I couldn't help but laugh a little when the mental image played out in my head. I felt awful about it, especially when I saw the look of mortification on Noel's face. But I couldn't stop laughing. Hiding my mouth behind my hands made it worse.

"No, no, please, I'm so sorry. I'm not laughing at you, I'm—"

"—laughing at me," Noel finished before I had the chance to, quirking his brow at me as if he were challenging me to contradict him. But he smirked good-naturedly, rolling his eyes "Yeah, yeah, I know. You can laugh at me. God knows my friend is, so you're not the first. He's the one who had to drive me here."

"Where is he?"

Noel rolled his eyes again, "Probably still out in the waiting room. He ditched me for the pretty receptionist," he explained, a mock pout of disdain forming on his lips. "Selfish bastard."

I giggled again and Noel went on, "So yeah, by all means, laugh all you want."

Surprisingly, my laughter waned quite quickly. I shook my head affably, "No. I told you, I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing more at the fact that you were so embarrassed to tell me that."

Noel looked up at me with a perplexed expression, blinking his cerulean eyes as he frowned skeptically. Still, I smiled patiently to him.

"You don't need to feel embarrassed about it. Trust me, with half of the stories I hear in a day, yours is nothing."

That seemed to cheer him up. He laughed, grinning as a mischievous glint entered his eyes. "Oh yeah? What kind of stories?" he provoked teasingly.

Again I shook my head, pressing my lips together so the laugh that was bubbling up didn't distract from my professionalism. "That's confidential information."

Noel seemed disappointed by this as he sighed. "Well then, I hope you're as good to your word as you say you are regarding me. I don't know how I'd react if I found out the whole hospital knew about my epic failure."

I couldn't help but smile at that, my heart swelling inside my chest as if it were about to burst. "I promise."

"Then that's all I need to know," Noel concluded, the playfulness in his eyes watching me carefully. It was something that was impossible to ignore.

Nevertheless, I continued on with our Q&A session, took his vitals, inspected the site of his injury, and finished scribbling down the rest of his information. We talked a little, but not a great deal as I would have liked. But it couldn't be helped. After all, this wasn't the time or place, and this Noel had no clue who I was…

"I'll be back to let you know when they're ready to take an x-ray of that arm," I informed him as I was heading out the door.

"Okay thanks, but—hey, wait," I heard Noel call out anxiously before I had closed the door behind me. Curiously, I glanced back over my shoulder, my brow furrowed ever so slightly. I couldn't deny that the way he had called out to me had made my heart race and made my stomach muscles clench involuntarily. Twisting my body around in his direction a little more, I gripped the doorknob to hold me steady.

The sincerity in Noel's expression almost made me shiver when the words flowed out of him. "What's your name?"

Swallowing, I allowed myself to smile naturally. "Yeul," I replied softly, a familiar warmth filling my cheeks.

Noel nodded, a slow growing smile crossing his face as he eyes studied mine. "It's pretty," he commented, suddenly snapping himself out of his daze with a harsh laugh as he looked away gawkily. Shaking his head, he lifted his eyes to meet mine again, "I'm Noel Kreiss—but of course you already knew that."

My heart froze, nearly going into cardiac arrest then. How did he know that I knew? Did he recognize me? Did he remember our promise? My insides were a frenzy as my heart rate picked up speed and the initial adrenaline ignited within me again. But as I noticed him nod towards the clipboard I was holding in my hands, the one with his name scrawled at the top, and my heart plummeted despondently.

Oh. Of course I would have known his name.

"Right," I managed, faking a small smile as I tried to ignore the persistent pang in my chest.

Noel grinned obliviously, "Anyways, I didn't mean to distract you away from your job. Seeya soon."

I nodded, slipping out of his room and closing the door behind me. As I heard the door click into place solidly, I finally let myself breathe out. Without even realizing it, my lungs were suddenly burning like I had just sprinted a marathon, my heartbeat throbbing in my ears with the vibrations of a gong. Knowing I couldn't walk back to the nurses' station in this condition without sending up red flags to everyone around, I stumbled my way to the bathroom, locking the door as I sank down on the toilet seat to collect myself.

Noel was real. After all these years of waiting, hoping and praying with all of my heart and soul that we would be reunited, all of it had been true. We had met again, just as I had promised him. It was everything that I had ever wanted…

…And yet, the greatest paradox of all was that here I was, sitting alone in the hospital bathroom fighting back unbearable tears.

For my entire life, I had tied myself to the fragile yet overwhelmingly powerful hope that when Noel and I met in this lifetime, that he would remember me and everything else would just fall into place But never this. Never had ever thought that my Noel would have ended up just like everyone else. Memory-less. A completely blank slate.

For so long, I had told myself that Noel was different like I was; that we both remembered and were fighting our way back to each other. For so long, I had justified everyone's cruelty to keep me going because anything was worth enduring as long as one day Noel and I could be together. For so long, I had dreamed of it being us against the entire world…

…when the whole time, it had only ever just been me.

Here in this world, his life flowed independently from mine. No matter how hard he tried, he could never, and would never remember me the same way I remembered him. He would never love me the same way that I loved him.

Whether my memory was a curse or a blessing, in that moment, I had never been so unsure. Had I never remembered any of this, I would have just been able to go about my life without the burden of knowing what no one else did. Things perhaps that I shouldn't have ever known to begin with. Had I been reborn with a clean slate like everyone else, I would have never known a pain or detestation this great and horrible… nor a love as strong as this one.

Frustrated, I clenched my petite hands into fists as I finally let out the racking sob that had been slowly choking me. There was no right answer here. Debating it was as fruitless as trying to dry away the endless sea of salty tears that overflowed from my eyes. I just felt so helpless. Not even in my past lives when I would die before I had ever truly lived had I ever felt more helpless than this. And for that, a small part of me almost pitied myself.

But there was nothing I could do. Just like in my past lives, all I could do was watch and endure the cycle. Even in this seemingly ordinary life, nothing had changed at all.

I was, and forever would be, a prisoner of fate.

* * *

Regaining my composure, I went back to work before anyone noticed how long I had been gone. Someone had already come to get Noel for his x-ray by the time I stopped by his room, so I did my rounds to other patients and finished up the rest of my paperwork. Being distracted with a plethora of things to do kept me moving, which I was grateful for. The only hole in my plan was that I also had to routinely check up on Noel. We chatted casually about his broken radius and this and that, but when I'd leave his room I felt a part of me die each time, knowing eventually I'd have to say goodbye.

On my final visit to his room to formally release him, I was hardly able to focus on what I needed to say, so distracted by the fear of never seeing him again. With nothing left to say, my timid green eyes scanned up to meet his as he stood up from the examination table, his height still towering me just as before. My gaze then flickered down to at the bulky cast that covered from his elbow all the way down to his hand; it was bright blue, just like his eyes.

"So am I free to go now?" Noel asked eagerly. I didn't blame him for being in such a hurry to get out of here, but the pain his abrupt and oblivious words caused my heart was devastating.

I nodded, "Yep, you should be good to go. Just don't try any more stupid or reckless stunts so that arm can heal properly," I teased, smiling bitersweetly.

"No promises, but for you, I'll do my best," Noel chuckled.

There was an awkward pause, one where it would have been appropriate for Noel to have left. After all, I didn't mean anything to this Noel. But he stayed. For whatever reason, Noel stayed.

Gazing at him with achingly, it was then that I realized, whether Noel remembered me or not, I wasn't going to lose him again. Not now, and not ever. In the death of the old world, I had been broken free from my cycle of living as a prisoner of fate. That girl was no longer me. Noel had fought with his everything to give me that beautiful, unrepayable gift. He had saved me so that I could have a normal life; so that I could be free and, for once in my entire existence, create the future I wanted to see. For centuries I had watched people fighting and defying their destinies; now it was my turn. It was my turn to take a stand for something rather than watching as the world passed me by. And my time to shape that destiny was now.

Just as Noel was turning to go, I lurched after him, my voice spilling out of my mouth faster than I could control it. "Noel wait!" Obediently, he turned, his eyes wide with surprise. Just as stunned as he, I gawked up at him speechlessly, temporarily forgetting how to speak. "I-I…I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go out some time."

Noel blinked, still a bit surprised no doubt—I know I certainly was. Finally, he shook himself out of his shock, shrugging as he went to rub the back of his neck, "Uhh, yeah, I guess…" he frowned slightly, his eyes studying mine curiously. He didn't say anything as his gaze continued to scrutinize me.

Unable to stand it any longer, I shook my head apologetically. The heat exploding all over my face made it impossible to function. "I'm so sorry," I told him, my voice tripping over my own nervous laughter. I paused long enough to see Noel was laughing along with me. I bite on my bottom lip to hide the smile spreading across my face, "That was really awkward, I didn't mean to put you on the spot and-"

"Stop," Noel interrupted with a light shake of his head, "Really, you're fine." When he met my eyes again, he smiled sincerely. "If anything, I guess you can call us even."

I cocked my head in confusion and made a face.

"You, know, I humiliated myself in front of you by telling you about, well, yeah," Noel said gesturing with his incapacitated arm. He rested it back at his side and shrugged his shoulders lazily, "Point being, you have no reason to feel embarrassed around me."

"Neither do you," I confirmed, my heart fluttering nevertheless at his words.

"See what I mean?" Noel smiled. His expression relaxed as he casually slid left hand into his front pocket of his jeans. I kept expecting him to do or say something else as a follow up when he didn't look away, but nothing else came. He was just watching me.

I let his gaze persist for as long as possible. Finally, I shook myself free from his rapture hoping I didn't sound as nervous and flighty as I felt inside. "Um, I have other patients to see, but I could give you my number and if you wanted to maybe we could have dinner…"

"Oh, sorry," Noel said quickly, nodding quickly. I watched him digging around in his pockets with his working hand before finally fishing out his phone. He handed it over and I quickly filled in my contact information. "Thanks," Noel said as I handed his phone back to him and he slid in back into his pocket. "Is there a particular time that's best for you?"

I shrugged, "Any time after seven would be great."

"Alright then," Noel concluded with a nod, "Sooo… I'll talk to you then?"

"Yes," I smiled, not attempting to cover it up this time. To my utter elation, Noel smiled back. Hugging my clipboard to my chest, I followed Noel out of the examination room and with a few last words in parting, we went off in our separate ways.

_Well, for now at least_, I thought as I smiled the rest of my shift.

* * *

That following Thursday night was the date Noel and I agreed on meeting. We hadn't really communicated since the phone call, and I had been losing my mind over our date… or whatever Noel was considering our dinner. But it had been nice. Really nice. We ended up having dinner at a local diner and over our meal of milkshakes, burgers, and fries, we just talked and made each other laugh so hard I'm pretty sure I was on the verge of tears more than once. It wasn't anything overly formal or pretentious, just a very low-keyed dinner between two people getting to know one another. It was strange, the concept of learning about Noel all over again as he learned about me for the first time. But the more we talked, the more I came to see that it was the both of us finally meeting for the first time. This time, there was nothing in our way. Finally, it was our time.

While waiting for the check—we ended up splitting it after a long debate—I looked across the table and smiled sincerely to Noel. "Thank you for taking me out tonight. I don't remember having this much fun in such a long time."

Noel chuckled genuinely, still grinning as he held my gaze. "Hey, it was my pleasure. Maybe next time though you'll let me pay."

My eyebrows quirked at him, "Next time?"

Laughing again, Noel shrugged and looked away clumsily, "I-I-I mean, you know, I'm just saying, we don't _have_ to, but it was just an idea that popped into my head?"

"Oh, is that so?" I giggled, feeling slightly devious for torturing him.

Noel glanced back over, his lips formed in a slight frown as he regarded me with mock disdain. He picked up one of the remaining French fries from the shared plate between us and waggled it at me. "You're such a tease," he complained, retracting his hand to pop the French fry in his mouth.

Still giggling quietly as I watched Noel pretend to eat the rest of the fries angrily, I spoke up again. "I'd love to go out with you again"

At that, Noel stopped stuffing his face and swallowed. He smirked assertively as a signature twinkle entered his eyes. "Then it's settled."

I laughed, shaking my head at him and his sudden boast of cockiness. As silence settled over us, I absently began pushing my straw around the perimeter of my emptied glass with my finger "It's strange…" I murmured thoughtfully.

"What?" Noel asked.

I glanced up to him and smiled as my gaze lowered again. "I was so nervous about asking you out the other day and wondering what you must have been thinking. I didn't actually think everything would work out the way I had hoped." My eyes rose up into Noel's once I was done speaking.

"It is strange," Noel agreed, grinning a bit to himself, "I mean, I swear I'm not just saying this, but I actually did want to ask you out when we first met."

"Really?" I ogled, unable to hide the bewilderment in my voice.

Noel nodded, "Well I figured it was against hospital policy to go out with your nurse, besides it just being an awkward conversation when you're paid to be nice to idiots like myself." He laughed a little at himself, "But thank goodness you had the sense to ask me for yourself or we never would have been here tonight."

_You have no idea_, was what I wanted to say. But all I could do was muster a small smile as I looked down at my lap. The waiter came by again, wishing us a great rest of the evening as he thanked us for our generous tip, and once we were all set we made a dash back for the car. It would have been nice if we could have taken a walk to admire the Christmas lights strung across the streets, but it was too frigid for either of us to stand for too long.

Slamming the doors of my well-used Camry, both Noel and I exhaled painfully as our lungs burned with fire-like intensity and collapsed gratefully. But this paper-thin car was no better than ice box outside. Clenching my chattering teeth, I could still see my breath clouding before my eyes as I fumbled to turn the heat on. As I settled back in the driver's seat, Noel leaned over and wrapped his arm—thankfully his left arm was closest to me—and held me, rubbing my arm as he tried warm me up a little more.

I smiled appreciatively, almost telling him that I was okay. But the truth was I liked him fussing over me like this. "Thank you," I managed.

"Are you feeling any warmer?" Noel inquired, still trying to warm me up.

I nodded as an involuntary chill spiked through me, one that had nothing to do with the outside temperature. "Much better. Thank you."

After a few minutes the car toasted right up, vanquished the cold and our temporary case of hypothermia. Exhaling gratefully, I smiled to Noel again as he retracted his arm and pulled away.

"So any other ideas that don't involve going outside again?" Noel scorned. I smirked myself and we both laughed. Noel went on, clearing his throat, "I know we're kind of limited with our, ahem, circumstances."

My eyes slipped down to gaze over his cast as Noel shifted his body. Smiling, I shook my head simply in dismissal, earnestly meeting his eyes again. From where we were sitting the brilliance pouring out of the windows cast streaks of lights and patches of shadows across our faces. Half shrouded in the darkness, Noel's intense cerulean eyes watched me through the hush of night. It was calming and alluring, like the ocean tide, drawing me in its current and pulling me under. I never wanted those eyes to stop watching me the way that they were right now…

Unhesitiently, I gripped Noel's coat and pressed my lips against his, seeking their warmth and tenderness. I wasn't sure what came over me, but it was something I couldn't control. Breaking away in astonishment at what I had just done, I held my breath, my body going taut as I watched for Noel to respond. He was so close, and the pounding of my heart was the only noise in my ears. It was impossible for Noel not to hear too. In reply, Noel's hand slipped behind my neck and pulled me toward me, locking his mouth with mine as he kissed me eagerly.

I was lightheaded and trembling as our lips parted for a moment to breathe, and when we came together again our kiss was deeper and more purposeful than the last. Our lips molded together, the kiss more insistent and hungry. Noel's lips sprang from my mouth and kissed a trail of kisses down my chin, along my jaw, and down my neck. As his kisses became light suctions, my eyes fluttered back into my head in pure ecstasy… and as his teeth made nibbles on my skin, I couldn't help but dig my nails into his shoulder and cry out feebly. I had wanted this so badly for as long as I could remember…so desperately I had ached for this moment…

But not like this. This wasn't right.

Shivering in pleasure, I struggled to exert control over my failing restraint. "S-Stop…" I whimpered in audibly, barely making out my own voice doubting through the passionate haze. My stomach twisting in nausea, I swallowed heavily as I covered Noel's mouth with my hand. "Noel, please…. I'm sorry."

Strangely, he yielded to my request. His eyes, although darkened and lost in passion, concentrated on me intensely. "What's wrong? I didn't hurt you did I?" Suddenly panic flooded face.

"No, no, no, no," I dismissed quickly, suddenly regretting I had ever put us in this terrible situation. I had been so desperate not to lose him again that I may have pushed him away forever. Sorrowfully, I kept my eyes low as I slide back fully in my seat. "…I didn't mean for it to get that far."

I heard Noel adjust his body beside me and I looked up to see him frowning inquiringly at me. "How far did you think I was going to take it?"

Mortified, I looked down again and studied my hand, cringing as the flashbacks played in repeat in my mind. "I…I don't know," I finally admitted. I shook my head and started again, "I just… this whole night I was wondering what kissing you would have felt like… that was selfish of me, I—" I glanced back up to Noel, "I'm so sorry."

Noel didn't say anything, sitting back in his seat as he stared ahead out through the windshield. After a while, I heard his voice. "I wouldn't have taken advantage of you, you know that right?" he turned his eyes on me full force.

I swallowed and nodded. "I know. Again, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize Yeul," Noel conceded slowly, "You're allowed to want things…"

I didn't say anything. I knew that although Noel was trying to be nice, he was also right. But still…

"Do you regret it?"

Noel's voice broke through my cluttered thoughts and I stared at him wordlessly. "Regret what? The kiss?" I finally asked.

He nodded.

"No," I shook my head solemnly, "No… it was everything I hoped it would be like." I smiled weakly to him, an apology still dragging down my expression.

Noel exhaled, looking visibly relieved as he nodded. "…Okay."

I began to nod, but I stopped myself. "I just don't want us to rush into something or mess this up." I paused, letting my words sink in. "I really lo…like you a lot Noel…"

"I know, I do too."

My eyes locked into Noel's speechlessly.

Shrugging, Noel drummed his fingers against the center console. "I don't know. It sounds stupid or cliché, but it's just that the moment I met you and we were talking, something just clicked. And then the more we talked, the more it made sense. Don't ask me to explain it, because I really don't know why." Frustrated, Noel frowned to himself and steadied his gaze on the dashboard.

It took me a moment longer than necessary to respond. "I don't think that's stupid at all." I shook my head as I let out the breath I had been holding, "I felt the same way."

At that Noel finally looked in my direction again, a brief smile flicking across his face. "…You're not like most girls. Most people are so easy to figure out, but… I don't know. Maybe it's just the way you come across as so shy and standoffish, and then the next open and sincere. And the way you just asked me out and kissed me… like you knew exactly what you wanted and weren't afraid to go and get it. Most people can't be that confident about what they want out of life."

I ducked my eyes timidly, "I wasn't always able to be like that. For practically my entire life, I always took the backseat in my life. I guess… I was tired of living by somebody else' rules."

"At least you recognized that now," Noel heartened gently, "Some people recognize it but never do anything about it until it's too late."

Nodding, I drew in and exhaled a deep breath. As painful as it was, Noel was right; I was glad that I recognized I was pushing things too fast, and had done something about it before we had pushed too far. With all my heart, I wanted to will Noel to remember. For him to remember me, remember or us. For him to know and really understand just how much he meant to me. But how could I demand so much from him? And what if I told him the truth, that in a past life we had fallen in love and I was still madly in love with him? Would he think I was crazy like everyone else did and walk away? Would he remember or would that lose him forever?

Love was patient, and that was what had to be as well if I were to ever earn all of Noel's love. I would forever if I had to for his love because he was worth that and more. I'd do anything for him…

I didn't want to consider what would happen if his love never came.

"Hey…Yeul?"

My gaze tentatively met his as I felt my heart accelerate unsteadily in my chest.

Noel said nothing for a while as he held my gaze before finally shaking his head. "I'm sorry for ruining the night," he said with his head hung low. He picked his head up to meet my eyes as I gazed at him an incredulous stare.

"You didn't ruin anything," I told him earnestly, flabbergasted that he was holding himself accountable. Turning my body fully in my seat, I shook my head firmly, "Noel…." Instinctively, my hand reached over to grip his consoling as I held his eyes fearlessly, "Listen to me, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who should be apologizing here for giving you mixed signals…" my heart clenched painfully in my chest, forcing me to look away slightly, "I…I just want us to take things slow… and, you know, for us to be sure about our feelings…"

"And that's what I want to," Noel echoed, confirming it by giving my hand a small squeeze. "I mean that."

I managed a small smile, "Thank you."

Noel exhaled resignedly. "You don't need to thank me for that." He remained quiet for a while, lost in his own thoughts before turning and looking at me again. "Listen, if you want you can drop me off now, or we could do something else—" he cut himself off abruptly, a smirk lightening his eyes, "you know, talking or something."

A small nervous laugh escape my lips as I went to exhale. I nodded, breathing in slowly to hold myself steady. "That sounds perfect to me."

* * *

It took me a month for me it finally understand, but in the accumulation of hours I spent with Noel and listening to his voice through the phone as I fell asleep, I finally could see that this, right here, right now in the present, was enough. After being without him for so long, having his rhythmic voice, his scent, his eyes, his attention, his kindness, his patience… The present moments that I had with him now….It was all I needed.

Alright, maybe that's not completely true; it's impossible for me not to desire more, and forcing the words down every single day hurt worse than any pain I had ever known… But I meant what I said. I will wait forever for his love, because Noel had done the same exact thing for me even when all hope was gone from our dying world. He had leapt through time, risking his life at every turn just for the chance of finding me again. Not so that we could be together forever; just to have one more moment together. That was all he had wanted.

He had believed in our future together. And so did I.

But more than that, what I believed in was our present, the small ordinary moments that we shared…right here and now.


	2. Chapter 2

"Notice anything different about me?"

My head shot up as I smiled with delight at the sound of Noel's voice. As he casually crossed the hospital floor to the nurses' station, I set aside my work and eased my way around the counter to greet him. As soon as Noel was close enough, he whisked me up into his arms and twirled me around gleefully before settling me back down.

Laughing as I brushed my hair from eyes, I looked Noel up and down, my heart swelling at the sight of how enormous his grin was. Grinning myself, I took Noel's hand in mine, receptively rubbing his right forearm where his cast had once been.

"Good as new huh?" I teased.

"Are you kidding?" Noel went on, holding up his newly liberated arm and flexing it, "Never better is more like it"

I couldn't help but smile, "Of course."

Noel went on anxiously, "Anyways, what do you say about you and I celebrating this momentous occasion?"

I smirked, knowing him all too well. "It seems to me like you already have something planned."

He shrugged it off nonchalantly, "I could have arranged a few things, considering it is Valentine's Day in a few days."

"W-What?" I asked dumbly, hopping he didn't pay too much attention to my stuttering on words. What on earth was he suggesting? And Valentine's Day? Without knowing anything about what he was planning, it already sounded from his few vague words like Noel was taking this opportunity to pull out all the stops.

"Nothing too fancy, I assure you," he chuckled, sincerity softening his features as he spoke, "But I want a chance to make it up to you for driving me around and putting up with my broken arm."

All I could manage was shaking my head in quick dismissal, "No, no. It wasn't a burden on me at all. I didn't mind it one bit." I watched Noel raise an eyebrow incredulously and cross his arms. I held my hands up, "Honest."

Rolling his eyes, Noel wordlessly leaned down to lay a kiss on my forehead. "Bullshit," he mumbled with his lips still pressed against me. I stifled a laugh, silently inhaling Noel's scent as it radiated all around me.

Noel finally pulled away, ever so slightly so they are faces were level as I felt him analyzing me and searching for some sort of an answer on my face. He sent me a cheeky smile as he returned to his full height. "Okay then. I guess if it wasn't that much of a problem, I don't _need_ to make it up to you."

"But you still want you," I countered with playful conviction.

Wiggling his eyebrows as another sly smile crept across his face, Noel threw the ball back in my court with ease. "Ohcontraire. I do if _you_ want me to. Which brings to the question, do you?"

Saving us both the time and aggravation, I relented with a sigh. "Alright, fine," I smiled sincerely, "You got me."

"Wise decision," Noel practically sneered, for which I appropriately shoved him. Laughing, Noel's features softened in the way that they always did when he became serious. "I hoping you'd come over to my place and let me cook for you."

Like butter melting in hot pan, I felt my heart become all mushy at his romantic and sincere Valentine's Day plans. I didn't even bother to hide the goofy smile that spread across my face as I let out a nervous chuckle. "You mean I finally get to taste the famous cooking of Noel Kreiss, the one I've been hearing all about?"

"Oh it's nothing famous," Noel dismissed with false modesty, "But I have been told I make the best steak and alfredo dish."

I laughed heartily, "So I have no reason to worry about being disappointed then."

"You better," Noel scolded with a playful waggle of his finger. As he retracted his hand, he folded his arms across his chest and shifted his weight. "I mean, I could make it for you…if you like. I get it if you're busy though."

I shook my head, "Nope, not at all. I just have work until three that day, but I'm free after then."

As I smiled easily, Noel responded with a similar smile as he uncrossed his arms and become visibly more relaxed again. "Okay," he said softly, nodding. "Well, I guess you can come over around six-ish, if that works for you—I-I mean, I'll still call you tonight and we can talk about it more."

I bit the inside of my bottom lip to keep from giggling at how panicky this was making Noel. Laughing would only make this twice as hard and embarrassing on his half, so I kept my inward chuckle to myself.

"I'd like that," I told him with a sweet smile.

"Alright," Noel confirmed with a brief nod. Without pause, he craned down to kiss my lips, and I eased up on my tiptoes to do the same. As we broke away, Noel's lips turned up into a small gentle smile. "Talk to you soon…"

* * *

Quarter of six I was standing at Noel's door, anxiously pulling at my clothing as I waited for him to answer the door. As the biting winter wind raged through me, threatening to blow me over as I attempted to cement by petite weight into the ground, I suddenly regretted my choice of choosing style over comfort and practicality. Seriously, what was wrong with me?

…Naturally, that question was rhetorical.

Just before I had gotten hypothermia, Noel finally yanked open the door, looking flustered and slightly out of breath.

"Hey—" Noel exhaled, pulling he door open further and ushering me inside, "Look I'm so sorry for leaving you out here for so long."

"Don't worry, I was okay," I told him as I moved further inside, despite my chattering teeth.

Noel laughed slightly as he closed the door soundly. He smoothed the palms of his hands against his pants as he turned around to face me again, finally getting a good look at me. He just stood there gawkily, staring me up and down. I was still wearing my bulky zipped up parka, but I figured he was just taking in the sight of me in general. His mouth opened ever so slightly—and in the most adorable way—as he tried to formulate something to say.

"W-Wow… you look great."

Sheepishly, I let out an anxious laugh as Noel came over an automatically kissed me. Another wave of pure happiness bubbled up inside of me as Noel pulled me securely into his arms as the kiss ended.

"Thanks for coming tonight," he whispered against my hair.

We both took a small step backwards as our arms fell away from each other. Noel's eyes never left me as he continued studying my face. I'll admit it made me feel slightly self-conscious. I had never been the biggest makeup person, and every time I put on just a small amount of eye-makeup, I felt like a little girl playing with her mother's cosmetics. On top of slight touch of eye-liner and mascara, I had also styled my long hair into springy curls. The curls had deflated more than I would have liked from being unraveled in the wind, but as long as Noel still liked them, then that was all that mattered.

"You really do look beautiful," Noel finally said in a quiet, measured tone.

I nibbled on my bottom lip as my face flushed a light hue of pink, wordlessly looking over Noel. He was wearing nice dark jeans and a grey cotton T-shirt. Suddenly, I felt oddly anxious that I had come over-dressed to this dinner and couldn't help but feel panicky when Noel asked to hang up my jacket. In the end I relented, peeling out of my parka and stepping out wearing a dainty floral lace dress. Coming down to my knee, the dress was a faded hue of ivory and was paired with a matching set of heels to provide me with a little more height.

Too occupied with drinking in the full effect of my appearance, Noel stood there, awkwardly holding my parka speechlessly with his eye inconspicuously wide. He opened his mouth, inaudibly mouth the word "Wow" as he turned away and hung up my jacket on a hook beside his door. While he was doing that, I took my time admiring the inside of his home. It was small and cozy, a sort of barebones design scheme, and the best part was that everything about this place smelt just like him: Old Spice and the woods.

Noel cleared his throat as I spun my attention back to him. He was obviously still lost in his thoughts as he rubbed the back of his neck and made a gesture with his free hand to the adjacent room. "Um, would you mind waiting for a few minutes while I finish getting ready?"

I shook my head and smiled effortlessly, "Not at all."

Noel chuckled unevenly, still distracted by my appearance. "I'm sorry. You came a bit earlier than when I was expecting." He rubbed the back of his neck again and ran his hand through his hair as his arm settled back at his side

I laughed quietly, "Do you need any help?"

Noel frowned incredulously, and finally shrugged, "I guess." He smirked as his confidence returned ever so slightly, "But don't think you're going to upstage the master in his own kitchen."

"I wouldn't dream of it," I retorted mischievously.

Rolling his eyes at me, Noel led me through his house to the kitchen. His house had an open floor plan where all of the rooms flowed continuously into one of another. Just as we were entering the adjoined living room living room/kitchen area, I noticed the small round table, set for two that had been set up in the center of the living room. It was adorned with a white table cloth and tall, unlit candles. Seeing it made my heart skip a beat, and Noel did not fail to notice the astonishment etched on my face.

"It would have been better had everything been done," Noel remarked bitterly, crossing his arms as his gaze flickered from the table to me.

"Are you kidding?" I laughed airily as I smiled brilliantly to him, "Noel, all of this was so thoughtful. Thank you so much."

That flustered him quite a bit. He snorted, smirking to himself as he moved around the table and into the kitchen. "You haven't seen anything yet then," he went on with his back still to me.

I followed after Noel, pausing as I gazed admiringly around the kitchen. At the sound of loud screaming sizzle, my attention returned to Noel as he stood in front of stove. Quietly so not to disturb him at work, I tiptoed over to get a closer look at what Noel was doing. On the stove top there was a large covered saucepan that was just simmering now. Noel was currently waging over a big, heavy duty skillet that cozily fit both of our steaks, adjusting them ever so slightly with a pair of tongs.

"So what can I do to help?" I spoke up.

Noel glanced over briefly, inconspicuously gazing me over again. He then nonchalantly shrugged as he turned his attention back to the steaks he was cooking.

"There's actually not much to do," he answered. "Everything else is pretty much all done. I'm just waiting until the steaks are almost done before adding the Alfredo sauce to the pasta." His eyes returned to meet mine and he smirked as he noticed me standing there watching him. "But who are you trying to fool. You're just looking to steal my secret recipe."

I cocked my head and looked at him slyly, raising a sculpted eyebrow. "Do you really peg me as that kind of girl?"

Noel grinned, a familiar boyishness returning in his adult self as he stood before me, "You never can be so sure these days."

I laughed, "Oh I see how it is." Noel chuckled as well as his attention returned to his steaks. But I wasn't quite done. "Alright then, how can I prove myself to you then?"

At that, Noel's eyes rose up to the ceiling thoughtfully for a moment, before looking back down and readjusting his steaks so they could cook on their backs. "Hmm." He turned to look at me, tipping his head ever so much. The whole time he was watching me with theatrical criticalness, I was trying my best not to laugh and ruin it.

"Come on, _trust_ me."

After another moment of critical silence, he spoke elevating his chin as if with an air of importance. "Alright then, let's see how well you can stir the sauce in with the pasta."

I smirked, snickering inaudibly as my smirked transformed into a daring grin. "Yes, sir."

"Hey—" Noel pointed at me with his cooking tongs with an impish look in his eyes, "I don't appreciate the patronism."

I laughed again, pressing my lips together politely to buffer my giggles as turned away from Noel and went to go get the drained fettuccini resting in the sink. As I brought the fettuccini over to the saucepan, I glanced over at the man beside me and found him doing the same. We didn't say anything to each other; just gazed on in silence before return to our individual tasks. Every once in a while, I would feel Noel's eyes on me, staring just a little too long. I did my best not to look over every time, instead letting his eyes roam over me as I continued to work and pretended to be oblivious. A part of me wondered if I never "noticed" how long Noel would just continue to watch me. A part of me had to wonder that if it hadn't been for those steaks he had been raving on about since I met him, he would have just stared at me, right here, for the rest of the night.

"Alright, why don't you go take a seat," Noel told me once our steaks were near completion.

"Sure."

Weaving my way through the kitchen back to the table that Noel had set up for us, I paused for a moment to really take in and appreciate everything Noel had done. It really was beautiful.

I couldn't be sure how long I just stood there beside my chair rather than just sitting in it, but long enough for Noel to make his way over to the table and rest his hand on the small of my back. I jumped at his touch, not having heard him approach, and then settled down as his tranquil touch radiated waves of soothing familiarity into me.

"Come on," he smiled easily, "sit down."

Numbly, I nodded as Noel's touch slipped away. Descending into my seat and pulling myself closer to the table, he looked up toward me as he began to take my unused wine glass. "Is Chardonnay alright?"

I nodded, quietly watching Noel fill up my glass with just the right amount. When he retracted the bottle, I pressed my lips together in a polite smile, thanking him before going to take a small sip. I licked my lips subtly, setting the glass back down as I continued to watch Noel pour himself a glass of when as well. He put the bottle of Chardonnay down off to the side as he picked up both of our dinner plates and carried them back into the kitchen.

I exhaled nervously once he was out of ear-shot, trying to remember how to breathe again as I silently waited for Noel to return with our food. A minute or so later, Noel came back and my gaze shot up to meet his eyes through the dim darkness to see him balancing our plates on his forearm.

"House specialty," he announced, carefully picking up the plate furthest away from the crook of his arm, "Steak cooked to perfection with a side of fettuccini alfredo and sundried tomatoes."

Salivating as my eyes followed the plate Noel placed neatly in front of me, I smiled gratefully up at him. "It looks fantastic."

"Wow, a compliment?" Noel feigned surprise, trying not to laugh. He pretended to ignore me for a moment as he sidestepped to set down his dinner plate on his side of the table and finally glanced up toward me again. "I didn't think I would get one from you that easily."

I suppressed my own laugh as I eyed him defiantly. "I still haven't tasted it yet," I reminded him.

"Oh, ho," Noel barked out a laugh as he retreated back to the kitchen. "That mouth will get you in trouble one of these days," he called back to me.

I laughed quietly to myself, gazing down at my simmering food as I waited for Noel. His departure was only brief as he turned off the kitchen lights and returned with a liter to light the candles. The small wick caught quickly, the flames rising up liltingly.

Noel took his seat, gazing across the table to me wordlessly. As I focused on him and his acute stare through the candlelight's shimmering glow, I had to catch my breath. His dark hair and the shadows quivering on his face made him look so mysterious. Unable to speak for a long moment, all I could do was stare at him.

Noel nonchalantly broke the silence. "So? Don't leave me in suspense. Dig in."

And so I did. Slicing into my tenderized steak, I took a savoring bit as the seasoning danced across my taste buds. I chewed and swallowed contently, grinning to Noel.

"I'll admit it, it's good."

"Just _good_?"

I rolled my eyes as I cut another sliver and rested it in my mouth, holding his gaze as I chewed. "Nope," I replied upon swallowing, "much better than that."

Noel grinned cockily, "Was that so hard?" he chuckled to himself and I joined him as we both began eating. All of it was delicious. I hadn't come with the intention of feeding Noel's ego, but I honestly wasn't sure if I could justifiable keep to that anymore. He really had outdone himself.

Once our plates were scrapped clean by our forks, Noel leaned across the table to me and smiled devilishly to me. "I hope you saved room for dessert."

I gaped at me, feeling nauseous at the thought of eating anything else, and groaned sardonically. "Give me an hour or two," I informed him, my groan turning into an uneven laugh.

Noel chuckled kindly, "Fine, fine." He sighed, leaning back into his chair again as his gaze lingered on me. I held his gaze for a moment, before uncomfortably looking down at my plate. I looked up again when I heard his voice gently cut through the silence.

"Yeul?"

"Yes?"

Noel was silent, lowering his gaze with thought when he spoke again. "I—," he stopped himself to clear his throat, "…Do you remember on our first date… When we were kissing in your car?"

At the mention of that fateful evening, I felt something dangerous and fearful singe at my skin. Shivering, I nodded stiffly.

Noel looked just as uncomfortable as I did, "I'm not asking if we could do that again… I just felt…"

"What?" my voice quivered when he had drifted off for a long time.

But Noel simply shook his head. "Nah, forget it. Did you want more wine?"

Ignoring his change of subject, I wordlessly stared him down. It wasn't exactly a mean stare; it was firm and unwavering, enough to accurately portray how genuinely I cared about what he had wanted to say.

It didn't take Noel too long to get the message. He sighed, albeit irritably and shook his head. Finally he spoke again, holding my gaze. "I think about that all the time…" he confessed, his eyes dipping down to his plate briefly. "I knew it was too soon, but at the same time, I couldn't help but feel like kissing and being with you was the most natural thing in the entire world. It didn't feel force or like we were going to fast… it just felt, right I guess. I'm not sure what that is. Maybe soul mates, you know, if you believe in that sort of things." Noel's stared meaningfully at me, "I know I'm a lot of talk, but I've never said any of this to any other girl that I've ever been with. I swear to you."

My heart constricted uncooperatively in my chest, but my outward appearance gave nothing away. I watched him solemnly, nodding at what he had said.

Noel paused, as if waiting for me to speak. "What do you think?"

Swallowing, I nervously fidgeted with my fingers in my lap under the table. Inhaling deeply, I finally let my voice spill out. "I felt the same thing."

Noel exhaled out almost immediately after I had finished speaking, rubbing the side of his neck. He exhaled again, as if trapped in a state of shock. He looked in my direction briefly, but never exactly made eye contact. "Well that's fortunately convenient."

I swallowed and said nothing, hoping Noel would pick up on my uneagerness to talk. I didn't mean to force the talking all on him, but I just couldn't handle treading on such dangerous territory. Something was bound to slip out.

Drumming his fingers absently against the table, Noel spoke up again. "I'm sorry, Yeul. I know you still want to take things slow, but it's just been weighing on my mind a lot and I wanted to finally let you know." He sighed, his restless tapping ceasing as he turned to look at me, really looking at me this time, and let his critical gaze linger for a long time.

Without taking his eyes off me, Noel stood up from his seat and moved around the table so that he was standing next to me. Inquisitively, my own eyes followed his movements, my body subconsciously turning in my seat to face him. Cupping my face in his strong calloused hands as he lowered onto one knees, Noel drew me near. Not so our lips were touching, but so close that his intoxicating scent and the proximity of his mouth were more than I could take. He kissed me chastely in his dark house, chills burning through me as I kissed him back. We kissed once, and then once more as our lips brushed against each other's when we stopped.

As the kiss ended, Noel pulled so he could see my entire face clearly. He paused, watching intently before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me against his body. Gently resting his jaw against the side of my face as he held me tighter, I felt his warm, wine-flavored breath tickle my ear as he spoke without constraint. "I'm falling in love with you…"

In the old world when Noel had accidently slayed Etro's Heart of Chaos, time had ceased to exist and everything that had once represented life became stagnant. That is the only way I can describe the way I felt in that moment. After what seemed like a lifetime, my frozen heart began to pump blood and my mind slowly began to reel again. But still I couldn't breathe. On an invisible force, I was choking. I was having the life strangled out of me, and I was failing, falling into oblivion of despair.

"Y-Yeul…?"

I hadn't felt Noel's body pull away from mine. I could still feel his arms encircled around me, could still feel him all around me. I tried to focus on his eyes, but I just couldn't. Unable to help the tears, torn with pain and bitter joy, I finally gave into them silently. As I inhaled sharply, my gasping cry rang out and seceded into an unsteady rhythm of sobs.

"Yeul… what's wrong?" He placed his hand against my cheek, but where I was now was in a place he couldn't reach me. "Baby, I'm right here, I'm so sorry."

I shook my head miserably as I forced my head down, all the tears I had been fighting back cascading down my face and dripping off the side of my jaw. I could still hear Noel talking to me slowly, touching my knee comfortingly. Anxiously, I finally looked back up and met Noel's dark blue eyes. I felt awful doing this to him after he had worked so hard to make tonight special. And now I knew why he had gone through this much trouble. I was just too stupid and too blinded in fear to see it coming.

Noel steadied his eyes on me. "Please talk to me Yeul."

But I shook my head violently before my stupid mouth betrayed me. "I can't," I cried, unable to look at him anymore. I continued to shake my head in protest, "I just can't Noel."

"Why?" Noel shook his head, "Yeul, please let me help you. Was it what I said?"

Again, I violently shook my head to hold my resolve, physically aching all over. I couldn't speak even if I wanted to.

Now Noel was concerned, his grip on my knee tightening. "If it's what I said, I'm sorry. Yeul, I don't want to force you to say anything back to me if you're not ready. I know you wanted to take things slow, I—" Noel cut himself off and hung his head despondently, as if he were blaming himself for this. "Fuck, I'm sorry—" Noel stopped again and met my eyes earnestly. "I said it because I wanted to, and for no other reason. Don't you dare feel like you'll hurt my feelings if you don't feel the same way." His expression was severe, like he would be furious if I went against him.

"B-But, I do love you," I choked out.

Noel's eyes flared in surprise, but his initial reaction receded back into his stern front. "Yeul—" he started, shaking his head deliberately.

"No!" Just like the first time, the words flew out of my mouth faster than I could control them, "I—" I cringed a heavy sob rolled through me. I could have stopped myself. But I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't. "I love you too, Noel," I wept uncontrollably.

For a while Noel said nothing, staring at me critical. "Do you mean that?" he asked cautiously, studying my face and searching my eyes for the truth.

I nodded, gasping as a bittersweet laugh escaped my mouth.

Noel inhaled sharply, holding the breath for a moment as he continued to silently studying my face. "You love me?"

I nodded vehemently. Holding my face up towards the ceiling, I squeezed my eyes shut, swallowing back tears until I was ready to talk. Even after swallowing a few times, I was still breathing jaggedly, "I've w-waited—five hundred years for you to say that to me."

Noel frowned, his gaze hardening as he shook his head ever so slightly with misunderstanding. "What do you mean five hundred years?"

There it was. A cold heavy dread dropped into my chest, hammering into my like a fatal ice pick. I could see it in his eyes right now. Noel was not going to believe a word I told him.

Noel's touch went numb when I didn't respond, his gaze becoming more persistent. "Yeul…What are you talking about?"

I stared back at him longingly, guilt and impulsivity throbbing inside me. He deserved to know, at the same time, I couldn't be so sure whether or not that was the truth or I that was just the excuse I was using to finally be free from my prison of secrecy.

But I knew I'd never be free. Telling Noel the truth would never set me free. After all, for me, once freed from one prison, I was doomed to an eternal sentencing to a crueler penitentiary. So was the cycle.

But…

"Noel…" I croaked, clearing my throat and swallowing as I looked up and met his eyes. They stared back, as intense and loyal as they had ever been. Staring into them like this, like we were the only two people who existed right now, only brought it all back in full force as a series of sobs rattled through me. After a while, Noel's hands came, drying my eyes as he sopped up the wetness of my eyes with his fingers. He took his time, brushing my hair back behind my hair and gazing patiently upon my face.

"You're not going to believe a word I say," I warned him quietly.

"And you'd let that stop you from saying it?" Noel countered, almost bemused. He shook his head, "No offense, but that's a terrible reason." He hesitated before adding, "I want to listen, okay?"

I inhaled deeply, feeling my resistance starting to shatter. When I still didn't say anything, Noel finally said, "Earlier you asked me to trust you, and now I want you to trust me. So try me."

And just like that, I was at his mercy.

I lowered my gaze, taking another steadying. As I gazed back up, I forced a sad smile as I rested my hand against Noel cheek. The electricity in his gaze was where I found the strength to speak.

"…I've been in love with you for my entire life," I began evenly, sucking in another breath as the words that were rising up my throat was beginning to make me feel lightheaded. "And… that's because you and I were in love with each other hundreds of years ago."

Noel's eyes widened as he regarded me with alarm. "…What do you mean?" he asked tentatively, a fearful uncertainty creeping into his voice

Lowering my hand away from Noel's face, I sucked in another breath. "A long time ago, in another lifetime I guess is more like it, you and I were best friends…" I paused, letting my words penetrate into Noel's mind. "I know this will sound crazy, but please let me explain."

Despite the incredulity that had taken possession of his eyes, Noel nodded solemnly to me to continue.

I sighed. "You and I, and every other person has lived many different lives. The problem is, we forget all about the previous events that transpired once we are reborn."

"You mean we're reincarnated?" Noel clarified.

"Exactly," I nodded. I paused, clasping my hands in my lap as my gaze lowered briefly with thought. "Prior to this lifetime, you and I had lived in a universe where the world was dying. We lived at the end of time with another man, our friend Caius, and when I died and Caius left, that was when you became determined to travel through time and create a future where everyone lived. But terrible things happened that brought on the extension of time itself. The only thing that could correct it was the creation of an entirely new world. It's the world that we live in now." I stopped, breathing in deeply. "You and I promised that we'd meet each other again when I died… and that's why I was so determined to find you in this world. And…" I smiled bittersweetly, cocking my head to the side as I gazed upon Noel's handsome face, "I did find you."

Noel stared back at me suspiciously, finally frowning as he shook his head. "I don't understand." He looked back towards me, but there was little to no emotion in his entire face and eyes. "You're telling me all of this, and saying that we lost our memories, but how—" Noel frowned, his gaze hardening, "Why do you remember all of this, and I don't?"

I shook my head despondently, "For the life of me I don't know. I—" I gulped, my heart racing madly as I watched Noel's disbelieving expression staring right through me. "Noel, I just don't know—" The words physically ached as I spoke them. My entire world was crumbling around me, and the one person I loved and trusted more than anyone else didn't believe me.

I shook my head, stuffing down the emotions that threatening to flood out of me again. "There's absolutely no way I can ever prove to you that I'm telling the truth. I've spent my entire life being told and believing, believing it _myself,_ that I was crazy and delusional, but I never wanted to give up hope that you were real and that you were searching for me too. But you—you…"

Unable to go on, I fell off into silent despair. A moment or so later, I heard Noel quietly speak up, finishing my thought.

"…But I didn't remember you at all."

I looked up miserably to him but didn't say a word. Finally, I let out the breath I had been holding, shrugging my shoulders, "So now you know."

Noel nodded thoughtfully, his face vacant of all emotions. "…So that's why you were so jumpy when we met... and why you asked me out…and…" Noel exhaled, drifting off as he stared at me for a moment, a moment where I could almost literally see the wheel of his mind turning as he made the connections. Running his hand anxiously back through his hair as he rose to his feet, Noel paced back to his seat. He didn't sit, but stood beside it with his back turned away from me as he rubbed the back of his neck. Finally he spoke up again uncomfortably. "That night in the car when we were getting really…" he shook his head and exhaled nosily, swearing under his breath, "…this is so fucked up."

"Noel I'm so sorry," I said quickly, jumping up from my seat. I didn't make any further movements towards him, giving him his distance. It was the least I could do after dumping such a shitload on him.

At my timid fearfulness, Noel whirled around to face me. "No, no." Frustrated, Noel pressed his hand to his face, covering his eyes as he spoke, "That wasn't directed at you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I assured softly, inwardly feeling an enormous wave of relief. I stood there awkwardly, wondering whether or not I should sit back down when Noel finally pulled his hand away from his face and met my eyes. He just stared, his face not giving anything away before shaking his head and looking down at the floor.

I inhaled shakily, shivering from the atmosphere of the room. I kept waiting and waiting, but Noel never said anything. In fact, he refused to look my way. Finally when I couldn't take the silence anymore, I spoke. "Noel… I'm not asking you to believe me. I know you don't." At that, Noel looked up and stared at me critically. I tried to ignore his gaze as I went on, knowing I'd need to be at my strongest in order to say my next few words. "It's okay. I've heard people's skepticism my whole life." I shrugged, "I'm used to it now… I just wanted to finally let you know too I guess."

Noel shook his head, exhaling in frustration as he turned away slightly, facing the table. I followed his gaze, watching as he stared, as though mesmerized, at the flickering candlelight. He exhaled again, his breath hitting the flames and causing them to bounce anxiously. "I—It's not that," he replied lowly, sounding almost angry. I watched as his hand coiled into a clenched fist, shaking imperceptibly at his side the longer his silence persisted. "I just—I want to understand why the hell I don't remember any of this."

Noel turned back to look at me. His expression looked so hurt and chaotic. "It makes sense, doesn't it?" Noel ranted on, "From the minute we met and every second after that, you felt so familiar to me or like something inside of me was just naturally compelled to you. I hadn't ever questioned it, not until you kissed me like that in the car. When you—" Noel paused, shaking his head before continuing, "Somehow it just felt like my entire life had been leading up to that one moment."

Staring on breathlessly, my heart felt like it was going to race out of my chest. Noel went on. "None of it had made any sense at the time. Maybe déjà vu or destiny…" Noel shrugged, "You may laugh at this, but a few weeks ago, I actually googled soul mates because I was just so confused why I cared so much about you in such a short amount of time. I kept thinking there had to have been an actual legitimate reason," he gestured over to me, "And lo and behold there actually was one. I guess this beats thinking I was going crazy."

Despite myself, I actually laughed a little. "You're not alone."

When I quieted, I suddenly became aware of how tense the atmosphere was in the room. Suddenly, I felt self-conscious of every single one of my movements. "…You believe me?"

Noel gazed over wordlessly, lowering his eyes as he nodded, "Or at least I'm trying to… it's just, no matter how hard I try, I just can't bring myself to remember. I know the memories are still there, but it's, but it's like when you erase writing on page. The outline of the words is still there, as faint as they may be, but you can't read them. At least not in the way they should be read. Or maybe that's just my mind playing tricks on me now that you've told me about my other past…" Noel put his hand to his forehead, his frustration returning in full intensity, "Try as I may, I just can't remember for myself!"

Unable to stay away, I strode forward tentatively, cautiously reaching out and resting my hand faintly against Noel's elbow. At my touch, he lowered is hand from his face and stared into my eyes with aching frustration overflowing from them.

I drew in an unsteady breath, trying not to make a sound as I exhaled. "I'm sorry for causing you all of this pain Noel… This was the very last thing I wanted."

Instead of being angry, Noel just shook his head at me. "Yeul… you should be the last one to apologize." He shook his head again, crossing his arms as he looked away bitterly. "I just…" he looked back to me, and this time I could clearly see the tears filling his eyes as he bit his lip, trying to hold them back. "Why didn't you ever say anything before?"

I blinked, swallowing back hard as I shuddered out a breath. "I was afraid…" I met his eyes, the pure terror and desolation I had harbored all this time finally brimming to the surface. "I-I was scared you'd walk away and never believe me, and I'd lose you. I hoped that maybe if I didn't tell you, you and I could fall in love like we did all that time ago and we could finally just have a normal life and leave the past where it should have stayed. I realized I had to say goodbye to who we were to be able to accept who we are now. It took me a long time. I still… Every time I looked at you, I'd see who you were because you're exactly the same… it's just impossible to say goodbye to you when you're right in front of me."

I was crying again now, the rivers of tears flowing down my face. My nose was also running, and I wiped it with the back of my hand.

Pulling my hand away from my tear sodden face, my glistening eyes met Noel's desperately. He was crying now too. "I didn't want to trap you and force you to love me. That's meaningless to me, and that wouldn't be fair to you. I wanted you to _really_ love me all on your own. I know what it's like to be trapped into one destiny and I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

I wasn't sure when or how it happened, but in the next moment I found myself thrown against Noel's body, enclosed in his shaking arms. I didn't move, Noel's embrace paralyzing me. He was hunched over me, pressing his face into the top of my head as inaudible cries rolled out of him. I could barely even hear him when he spoke. "Yeul… I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, sorry."

When he finally released me, I could see the faint trail of tears illuminated on his cheeks. He hung his head as another sob creaked out of him. "I'm trying so damn hard to remember and I—"

"Shh, shh, shh," I whispered soothingly reaching up and touching his face. Eventually Noel sat back down in his chair, propping his elbow up on the table as buried his face in his hand. But even as he shut me out, I refused to leave him. Rubbing his shoulder and bicep, I continued whispering to him comforting words until his crying ceased.

Noel finally looked back up to face me, new tears lining his cheeks. "Why are you doing this?" he asked me while I was attempting to dry his tears again. But I said nothing, simply shaking my head. If he needed to ask, then he'd never know.

Noel exhaled, shaking his head at me. "Are you disappointed in me?"

I gawked at him as if he had said the most atrocious and ungodly thing in the entire world. "For what?"

He shook his head again, "I'm not him, the Noel you say you remember. I can't be him and I'll never know you or love you the way he did. I let you down."

Crying out in a loud hushed gasp as my own tears gushed forth from my eyes, I pressed our foreheads together as I held Noel tighter than I ever had before and he did the same. We were both crying messes, and that only made us cling to one another more persistently.

"No…" I answered him finally.

Noel pulled away just enough to meet my eyes, and I shook my head. "No," I repeated, smiling sadly to him as tears flowed past my lips. I cupped Noel's face in one of my hands. "Listen to me Noel. I never blamed you for not remembering. I didn't then, and I never will, okay?" I felt my tears returning, but they could wait. I needed to finish what I had to say without being interrupted. "I love you more than I ever did. Because you fell in love with me all on your own and in your own way. Meeting you here like this, having you fall in love with me twice, is the greatest miracle. You did it once, and I prayed you'd do it again. You didn't disappoint me at all, okay?"

Noel nodded somberly, placing his hands on either side of my face as fresh tears sprang to his eyes. "How could I not remember those eyes?" he asked aloud, studying my eyes as a large lump formed in my throat. Neither of us spoke, and finally Noel pulled me back into his arms, fiercely kissing the side of my head as we clung to one another again.

Quieting my shaky breaths, I closed my eyes and let my forehead bury into Noel's shoulder. All around me I could feel the warmth and security of Noel's embrace, as strong and as loving as the promise we had made to always be together in the end. A flashflood of memories crashed over me…every moment that had led up to right now. In his arms, I stood completely vulnerable to him…

"…I love you," I whispered, tears suddenly clouding my voice as I spoke the words I had for so long pushed down. I repeated them against Noel's shirt, unsure if I'd ever be able to express how much I meant the emotions represented through three trivial words. "I love you so much."

Slowly rubbing my back, Noel kissed the side of my head again, just above my ear, holding his lips there and whispering soothingly, "I love you too…"

* * *

Hours later, the two of us were curled up on the couch together, wrapped up in a warm crocheted blanket. My head was resting against Noel's shoulder sleepily, his arm around me securing as I slowly drifted off. After spending so much time talking and crying, I hardly had an energy left in me. I was just awake enough to still feel Noel's touch whenever he'd kiss my hair or fingers, and the lulling rhythm of him rubbing my arm.

At one point, I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. When I opened my eyes and tilted my face upwards, I was greeted by Noel's watchful gaze. He smiled, lightly pushing my hair away from my eyes and mouth as he leaned over and kissed my forehead.

Despite the warmth all around me, I shivered with content, cuddling closer so that my head was positioned in the crook of Noel's neck near his collar bone.

"Thank you," I whispered faintly, closing my eyes peacefully.

"For what?" I heard Noel question.

Smirking, I shook my head ever so gently. "I don't know… I feel, relaxed," I paused, smiling a little more. "I'm at home."

Noel chuckled softly, and I could practically hear him smile. "And you think that's my doing?" he teased after a while.

I opened my eyes and angled my head up at him so he could see me rolling my eyes at him.

As I rested my head back down comfortably, Noel bestowed a kiss on the top of my head. "I'm glad."

We were silent for a long time, wrapped up in the comfortable silence with a strong unwillingness to ever leave.

"I've always wanted this," I mused aloud finally, "This kind of simplicity, where the world seems to slow down and everything just feels… right."

Noel nodded, slowing weaving his fingers through my hair contemplatively. I shivered again.

"Nothing else really matters," I went on, "…Not the future, or saving the world…And I'm just so happy…Now… I can _finally_ just have a normal…ordinary, everyday life…"

Noel didn't say anything at first. Then all at once, Noel's fingers stopped coming through my hair, sliding down to cup my chin and prop it upwards toward him. Obediently, I looked up, peeling my body away from Noel's so I was sitting up and could clearly see his face. Noel held me captivated in the intensity of his eyes. "I hate to break this to you Yeul… But there isn't anything ordinary about you."

I made a sour face in acknowledgement to this truth, "Yeah… I know."

But Noel smiled, shaking his head as he closed the gap between our faces and kissed me lightly. As he pulled away, his electric gaze locked into mine. "That wasn't an insult."


End file.
